Just lately I was struck by a series of ads in a local newspaper – Not this one or its sister mercifully – The first lot appeared in the sits vac. column and I shall reproduce them below.

The second ones appeared in coloured box ads and were splashed prominently on page three, appropriately enough.

Both sets pertained to, what can only be described as, a strip club.

And – it occurred to me that, not only is this particular type of ‘entertainment’ a fairly new phenomenon here in the Maltese islands, it is also somewhat outré for this neck of the woods.

Although, to put it into perspective, we – or our ancestors – have been highly proficient in this particular line of business for many years and quite a few generations.

In fact, at one time the predominant language spoken in London’s Soho wasn’t English... it was Maltese.

Here is the first ad:

Entertainment entrepreneurs Gerremoff Enterprises are recruiting professional staff for their two brand new entertainment venues Skinn and Adi Pose:

Wanted: Female and a few male exotic and burlesque dancers for two new nightspots soon – very soon – to be up and running on the Paceville strip:

Wanted for Skinn: Curvaceous, pretty and well endowed female dancers. Plus one or two slim, handsome and well endowed (in the masculine equivalent) boy dancers. All applications should be in your own handwriting – or inscribed by your own computer – and should include a recent photograph... preferably of yourself.

Wanted for Adi Pose: Overweight to morbidly obese exotic and burlesque female waddlers

Experience is useful but not essential, since the art of removing all one’s clothes in front of an audience of panting men or whooping women is not an art anyone is born with, but can be acquired with intensive professional tutelage. Proficiency in tassle twirling would be a considerable plus.

And here is the second ad:

Wanted for Adi Pose: Overweight to morbidly obese exotic and burlesque female waddlers. Plus one or two equally grotesquely gargantuan male stumblers. Apply in your own handwriting and please also enclose a recent photograph – on full-plate size paper if necessary.

Everybody over 150 kilos in weight will be auditioned. Elephantine rears and moobs will be seen as positive features. The bigger the better. The ability to perform the splits will also be considered a definite plus.

Excellent pay. Average working conditions. Apply now to join the Gerremoff ‘family’.

Then, just a few weeks later, the following box ad appeared:

Grand opening of spectacular new Paceville nightspot:

Saturday, May 30. Grand opening of Skinn: Malta’s newest and naughtiest nightspot.

Guys: Come and get an eyeful of some of the prettiest and boldest birds in the Maltese islands.

Girls: Check out the attributes of some of the most ‘gifted’ and great-looking young men around town.

Open from late night to early morning.

Skinn has it all: Great girls, special guys, mind-blowing cocktails, the best sound system in the Med and the coolest DJs.

All that’s missing is You!

Skinn can also be booked for hen and stag nights. Nothing – and we mean nothing – is off limits.

Following this, I kept my eyes open for the genesis of Adi Pose... I didn’t have to wait too long:

Unique and amazing opening of Malta’s very first striperama for dancers with fuller figures:

Saturday, June 6: By invitation only: Adi Pose will be open for business.

If you like your ladies cuddly and corpulent, and your men spectacularly bloated... Adi Pose is the place for you.

Gasp in wonder and awe at the gargantuan Miss Godzilla: the biggest thing in striptease.

Applaud wildly as she divests herself of her 17 corsets.

Feel a little nauseous as she pours her unclothed flesh all over the confines of the Adi Pose stage.

We specialise in stag, hen and ‘Big is beautiful’ mixed naughty but nudiful nights.

Open seven days a week... except Sundays, public holidays and whenever else we don’t feel like opening.

As my old nannu used to say, just before the Alzheimer’s hit him: “If this is progress, I’m glad I’m about to regress.”

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