Vidya Balan was never the diva and marriage has mellowed her even further. She giggles at the drop of a hat, her eyes shine like bright moons and yet her answers remain candid and witty. She’s still earthy as hell and knows marriage is no la-la-land. That you have to work towards making it the Shangri-La you want it to be. Three years down the line, her romance with hubby Siddharth Roy Kapur hasn’t ebbed. She’s entered into a more mature zone, seeing him more as a friend, as a companion … though she confides getting jealous if another woman bats her eyes at him. Professionally, her Hamari Adhuri Kahani is shaping up nicely and she might take to TV as a big time talk show host… the possibilities are endless for this immensely talented actor, who has inspired many to fight for bigger and better roles… Excerpts from a candid chat with this extraordinary girl-woman.
You became a vanguard of women-oriented films with The Dirty Picture and Kahani. Are you proud of setting a trend?
I don’t think it’s a trend yet. The day people start investing in women-centric films confidently, I’ll be happy. A film has to be viewed for its content, for its script. That day I’ll believe it to be a norm. But it’s fantastic to see different kinds of films being made from Queen, Mardaani, Mary Kom, Bobby Jasoos to NH10... It’s a new scenario and it’s only getting better. I hope the canvas opens up and films are made for women of different ages and stages.
What can we expect from Hamari Adhuri Kahani?
It’s an intensely beautiful love story. Mohit Suri, in Aashiqui 2, proved that he could touch your heart and tell a love story the way it should be told. Also, Mahesh Bhatt saab’s Arth was actually the clincher in me becoming an actor. I couldn’t believe I was actually getting an opportunity to work with Bhatt saab. I’ve had the opportunity to interact with him. I always want to switch on a recorder when I talk to him. There’s so much that you get out of every conversation with him. The love story is directed by Mohit Suri and the intensely beautiful contribution comes from Mahesh Bhatt (the story is by Bhatt). And we’re just pawns in the hands
of these two men.
Recently, Waheeda Rahman was quoted saying said that she saw herself in you. Your take?
Oh it’s unbelievable. There are two people who epitomise grace for me - one is Waheedaji and the other is Gulzar saab. Waheedaji actually called me over to her house after Parineeta released. I couldn’t believe it. I went, touched her feet. She blessed me and said, ‘You were beautiful in the film. Which part of the country do you come from?’ I said I was born and brought up in Bombay but I hail from Kerala. She said she was amazed by my diction. The only other South Indian actress, who speaks Hindi well is Rekhaji. She told me she was a South Indian too, from Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh. She stated that it was important to speak the language in which you’re doing the film correctly. I couldn’t believe she spent so much time chatting with me. It’s a special memory.
Are you planning a talk show on the lines of Oprah Winfrey’s?
I’ve had television offers all along but this time I might just take the plunge. But I can’t commit to anything at this point in print. (Smiles) All I can say is that I’m considering non-fiction on television seriously.
What about film production?
I’m an actor and I’m enjoying what I’m doing. I like to be handled. I don’t like to handle. As a director and a producer you have to do that all the time. (Laughs) I don’t want to deal with other people’s shit and egos. I’ll complete 10 years in June. I don’t want to get bored of what I’m doing, which is why I do things at my own pace. I’m not ambitious. The number of films I do and the amount of money I make do not drive me. My passion is the only thing that drives me.
Four consecutive Filmfare Awards, a National Award, a Padmashri... what more?
It’s never enough. But I feel blessed to have achieved more than I set out to do. Yet as you go on in life, you look for new challenges. The only thing I ever wanted to be was an actor in the movies. So I’ve achieved far beyond that. (Laughs) Having said that, you may have had a good meal but you’re hungry again by the next meal time.
From criticism to applause, how do you review your journey? Especially, your fashion journey...
(Laughs) Fashion journey! Yes, it has been memorable. The beauty is when I stopped caring about critics, they started caring about me. Rather they ceased to be critics. I just began to dress the way I wanted to. I’ve always loved sarees but I had given them up because I thought I was dressing older. People would remark, ‘You’re an actress. Sarees are not glamorous, they are traditional!’ But then I went back to being who I was, I was happier. Therefore I looked better. Actually, too much is made of dressing. I look at these extremely fashionable clothes by the biggest brands in the world and wonder what the hell is that? Fashion is subjective. I may believe that the biggest designers in the world are making crap, while they may believe I’m wearing crap. You can’t please everyone in the world. Someone at some point will always be unhappy with you. You’d rather focus on that one person whose happiness you have power over. And that’s you. So that attitude permeated to my clothes. Today people tell me, ‘Oh you made the saree fashionable again’. I’m flattered but the saree is our national dress. It’s the most feminine and sensual garment. It’s equally sexy and elegant.
How has life changed after marriage?
Oh yes it has in a nice way. It’s nice to be sharing my life with someone with whom I’m happy. Touchwood! You learn every single day just like you learn every single moment on a film set. Maybe, that’s true of life. You keep learning and growing together. It teaches you patience,
it teaches you unconditional love.
What does romance mean to you now, three years after marriage?
Romance, for me, is still going on long drives, listening to music, watching the rain, or a sunrise (which is rare because I don’t wake up early) or a sunset. It’s about these little things. You understand the meaning of unconditional love when you both wake up a mess but still believe that the other person makes your world go round. You get butterflies in the stomach when you are meeting each other after a while as both of us keep travelling. Or when you discover something unexpected about each other, it’s beautiful... But when you begin to take each other for granted, romance goes out of the window. But I’m a romantic at heart and I can find it in the smallest of things. In an empty street or in dried leaves amidst a cluster of trees... which is why I love Gulzar saab. Romance is also about fighting with each other and sensing that pain and waiting for the other person to call. It’s about the awkward silences after a fight. It’s about how you make up.
No more about the flowers, candles and chocolates?
It is also about the flowers, candles and chocolates. People assume that after marriage all that goes out of the window. Well, it could because routine sets in. But it’s nice when one makes the effort, an unexpected gesture.
What are the myths that marriage shatters?
Marriage is as much about retaining your own space as it is about sharing it with someone else. For a marriage to work, that’s important. Especially, for us women to retain our individuality. Because women are natural givers and we tend to we lose ourselves easily in a relationship. We are okay becoming a Mrs So and So, a daughter, a sister and a mother and even a professional. But beneath all that there is also a person. That is what we need to remember. We’re so conditioned that we challenge our individuality often.
Are you a possessive wife given your husband Siddharth Roy Kapoor (MD Disney India) is influential?
I never knew it was in me to feel jealous. I never felt jealous before we got married. But post marriage I have caught myself feeling jealous. And I have ways of communicating that. (Laughs) Because he does get a lot of female attention. I was surprised. I believed I was someone who didn’t know jealousy.
Is Siddharth possessive about you?
Not at all. But when I can feel jealous he too has to. He doesn’t show it, I show it.
What about the women, are they jealous of you?
I don’t know, you’ll have to ask them. But there are some actresses who aren’t as warm with me as they usually are when I’m with Siddharth. It’s quite funny.
What do you miss from your singlehood days?
Nothing much! My life is pretty much the same except for the fact that I’m with Siddharth now. Our timelines have to be matched because you can’t just decide to go somewhere. You have to take into consideration what the other person wants to do. It takes adjustment on both ends. For small and big decisions. Thankfully, both Siddharth and I are easygoing. He’s easier to live with than I am. I’m not all that easy with people I love. I’m demanding.
How do you handle male attention, especially being married now?
I enjoy male attention and that’s how I handle it. I won’t be a hypocrite and say that I don’t enjoy male attention anymore because I’m married. I do get attention and I enjoy it. I guess I’ll always enjoy it. What the hell? Harmless flirting is healthy. I’m not talking about sexting here. I’m a woman and I enjoy attention from men.
How does Siddharth handle this?
He gets attention from women himself so it gets balanced. He knows that I’m not going anywhere. So he handles it perfectly well. Do I know that he’s not going anywhere? Yes I do. But I’m still not always fine.
How easy or difficult is it to stick to your partner and not cross the line?
It’s easy. Because when you’re in love with someone and you want the relationship to work, there’s no question in your heart about wanting to stray. There is no harm with healthy flirting but that’s all there is to it. You look for options when you’re not happy in a relationship.
What’s the deal breaker in a marriage?
Undoubtedly, infidelity! I don’t understand and I hope I never have to understand how people continue to remain married even when one of the partners has been cheating. I’ve been told by people who have children that it’s difficult to get out of a marriage despite the infidelity because you’re scared of being alone.
A lot of women choose to ignore flings out of fear of consequences...
I hope I’m never in that situation. But to each his own. I’m told that when a child is involved everything changes. It would be easy to walk out of a relationship or a marriage when one of the partners is cheating but when a child is involved, you bite the bullet. I still believe it’s not acceptable but I guess then you’re not staying for each other, you’re staying for the child. I will make a film on an extramarital affair someday. I’m most intrigued by the compulsions of an extramarital affair. I don’t understand why anyone would choose pain in the first place. It is a situation wrought with pain. That way every relationship brings its own share of pain but here’s it’s a given. But when you fall in love, you don’t fall in love with someone’s father, husband, or brother. You fall in love with the individual. And that person may happen to be someone’s father, husband or brother, what do you do? That’s why they say pyaar kiya nahi jata ho jata hai.
Any plans of taking time off?
For the past eight years I’ve been doing one film a year. That gives me enough time. I don’t need to take time off but yes, I will when I have a baby I will. Insha’Allah!
I hope I do someday.
Are you planning a baby?
These things can’t be planned. But yes, it won’t be too long now. I feel more mentally prepared for a baby than I felt a year ago. Unless the role requires it, I can’t be acting when I’m pregnant. And secondly, I wouldn’t want to be working. I’d just want to chill and enjoy at that time. Besides that I’m not planning to take a break from work. Anyway, I do things at my own pace.
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