Top of the flops

Krrish Krrish (Krrish 3, 2013) Its lyrics: Jab jab gehra dhuaan chayega, tab tab bann ke mashal aayega. The song belongs more to the Shaktimaan universe and the best (or the worst) part of the song, thankfully not used in the film, is a robotic voice repeatedly whispering, “He’s Krrish.”

Bharo maang meri bharo (Sabse Bada Khiladi, 1995) A garishly dressed Mamta Kulkarni gyrates in the hallroom of a huge mansion and seduces a dour Akshay Kumar, as a jealous Monish Behl watches them secretly. There’s such deep symbolism in the scene, (in this case an apple that is being poisoned by Behl), that it continues to baffle us. The song is a classic in the trashy film lovers’ circles, and was hilariously appropriated in a scene in Gangs of Wasseypur 2 where Nawazuddin Siddiqui’s character goes to Huma Qureshi’s room and asks for her “permission” to have sex.

Mujhko neend aa rahi hai sone do (Ajnabee, 2001) This is a song about wife swapping. Bobby Deol goes paranoid imagining that his wife may have slept with his friend, Akshay Kumar. While the lyrics say nothing about sex, singers Sunidhi Chauhan and Sonu Nigam try their best to sound sensuous.

ABCD (Hum Saath-Saath Hain, 1999) The mukhda very imaginatively has all the letters of the alphabet sung in order, followed by a random “I Love you”. But it’s best savoured with the video, when the film’s great Hindu joint Indian family goes on a joyous road trip in a luxury bus.

O mere papa the great (Papa The Great, 2000) Sung by Udit Narayan and his son Aditya, it’s a poor version of the Akele Hum Akele Tum title song. Here, the son (Master Bobby), dedicates the song to his father — Krishan Kumar. The song immediately transports father-son to foreign locations. And the father sings back, what else, “O mere beta the great”.

Ice cream Khaungi (The Xpose, 2014) When a song features both Himesh Reshammiya and Honey Singh as singers and actors, the result is effortlessly trashy. Playing the reigning megastar of Bollywood of the 1960s, Reshammiya goes into full retro mode. Particularly funny are his facial expressions when he does Shammi Kapoor’s trademark bobbing head dance step. As for the lyrics, here goes: Ice cream khaungi, Kashmir jaaungi, sholo mein bhadke jiyaa.