We cannot afford to be ‘African’ when it comes to HIV

I got infected with HIV four years after saying goodbye to adolescence. Then, adolescents and young adults did not have time for HIV awareness messages. We all thought HIV-infection happened only to “others”.

This is a delicate age. It is when many dreams and hearts are broken. The devil’s right under our noses. One thing that is breaking the dreams and hearts of adolescents is HIV-infection. 

HIV curriculum 

When my elder son, Peter, reached adolescence, I was worried for him. I knew his hormones would be raging. And there’s nothing as treacherous as raging hormones.

My life has been an open book for Peter. Unlike other adolescents whose parents might feel uneasy talking about HIV, Peter has, all his life, heard me talking HIV. He knows my story, back-to-front.  

Still, the human mind is fraught with amnesia, that’s why I never stopped reminding him about the ABCs, all the way to Z. My parenting job does not just start and end with providing his basic needs. It goes much further than that. I share my HIV experience with other parents, so it is only right that the experience-sharing start at home. Besides, HIV isn’t a subject you teach in one seating, it’s an ongoing curriculum.

“Domestic silence” could be one reason the number of adolescents contracting HIV has increased. As Africans, we have a “TABOO” sign on top of anything concerning sex. If we started calling things as they are, perhaps we would make a positive impact.  

Speaking of calling things, I remember this workshop I attended. The facilitator insisted on us calling our private parts by their names. It sounded dirty, but we learnt that if communication of HIV-related matters has to hit home, we must not be, afraid, ambiguous or “African” about it. 

Untargeted group

I have interacted with adolescents infected with HIV, and those born infected with HIV. Either consciously or not, we fail to specifically target this age-group. A person who is 15 and HIV-infected does not feel comfortable in a group therapy session filled with middle-aged folks.

Your typical Kenyan adolescent is hip, or tries to be. Their life experiences and outlooks are unique, which means they need their unique spaces to talk about their HIV-related issues.

Many adolescents living with HIV are still living with their parents, who are unaware of their HIV status. Just like a pregnant teen, they are afraid of their parent’s reaction should they find out their status. These children are more likely to disclose their HIV-status with a peer, whose help, if any, is limited, unlike an adult who could be a HIV knowledge bank. 

Damned, if we don’t talk

Fact: the age of sexual debut is getting lower with each generation. Fact: we must talk about HIV and its modes of transmission; the chief mode being sexual intercourse. Fact: it’s either that, or we’re damned. 

It is not enough to just tell my child to take care. I must have the guts to tell him, without mincing words or beating around the bush, the pitfalls of, for instance, unprotected sex. Although it hurts, and I’m praying it never comes to this, I must have even more guts to tell him that if “anything” happens, he should not be afraid to come to me.

I’m a parent. It will break my heart if ever my child tells me he is HIV-positive. Nothing prepares a parent for a downer of this magnitude. I have been in HIV-awareness all my life, but this is one hypothetical scenario that depresses me.

Many adolescents are getting into stuff they don’t know about due to peer pressure. They don’t want to be shunned by their friends, and before they know it, they have walked right into a minefield. 

HIV-interventions are not one-size-fits all strategies. With age-appropriate interventions, targeting adolescents, we will see a reduction in HIV-infection and mortality. These children will come out of their shells if we make concerted efforts to address their fears.

HIV-infection can make even the strongest among us to give up on life, however, these super-kids have not let their serostatus to prevent them from following their dreams. Just like many of us who have lived with the HI virus for more than 20 years, they have their issues, but they are living positively and are a testament to the fact that anyone can have life, love and laughter after HIV-infection.