How can kids overcome the trauma of missed exams?

KOLKATA: This is the season for exams, as well as all sorts of diseases like measles, chicken pox, viral fever and currently, even swine flu! But perhaps the most traumatic experience for the students, especially the meritorious ones, is missing the annual exams because of seasonal ailments. Many of them even run the risk of going into depression in such a situation.CT spoke to a cross-section of parents whose children have had such experiences and also to experts to delve deep into the problem and to find the best way to address such situations.
According to neuro-psychiatrist and stress management strategist, Dr Siladitya Ray, the reactions to missing exams due to illnesses or unforeseen incidents vary from child to child. “Children who are average in academics or not too ambitious are least affected. But meritorious students with high aspirations and parental expectations, invariably tend to react strongly. They are likely to over-react by sinking into depression or display anxiety. They find it very difficult to come to terms with the fact that they have not been able to take an exam or haven’t fared well in one. Such reactions are not healthy. Such a child should be made to understand that certain realities are unavoidable and act accordingly. The parents, too, should not handle it in an immature way. They should allow the child to decide on the corrective action on their own. They have to tell the child to take such eventualities in their stride and move on in life. In case the child has a nervous breakdown, ease things up by talking the problem out. They should never paint a picture of crisis and instead, tell the child that impediments and odds are part of life. But if the problem is really serious, a child psychiatrist or a psychologist must be consulted for supportive counselling,” he said.
Psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Garg highlighted the importance of the school and family’s role in explaining to a child that one examination is not the end of the world, as life goes through its ups and downs. “When it comes to family, they have to see to it that the child gets enough sleep, eats properly and doesn’t sulk,” he said.
If the child is in a lower class, the school can arrange for an exam later or promote the child on the basis of the year-round performance. But that is not possible in case of board exams and missing one has a devastating effect on a child, especially those who are good in studies. It is then the responsibility of the school and family to provide a friendly environment so that the child doesn’t go into depression, as that can prove fatal. A group always helps to overcome these problems. Create a group comprising children who couldn’t sit for final exams due to illness etc and let them share their experiences with the child so that he/she doesn’t feel left out. The pertinent point is to make the child understand that one final examination cannot build or break his/her future. There should also be no peer pressure on the child,” Dr Garg said.
Pritha Chakraborty, a student of Class IV, couldn’t sit for her annual exams after contracting chicken pox. But support from her school and family helped her overcome depression. “My daughter couldn’t sit for her annual exam after contracting chicken pox. She is fairly good in her studies, so she was very depressed. When we went to meet her class teacher to discuss her illness, she helped and guided us and said, ‘A child’s well-being is more important than sitting for an examination. Just ensure she is completely healthy before rejoining school. Moreover, her promotion to the next class depends on her year-round performance, not a few exams.’ In fact, she called up my daughter and spoke to her at length. This really helped her settle down mentally. Her teacher also texted me, enquiring after her health. These gestures gave Pritha confidence. So, a school plays a major role in helping a child overcome such situations. At home, we told her that the annual exam is not the end of the world and one has to pass through many such exams to reach greater heights. In fact, her friends too cheered her up,” Pritha’s mother Sri Chakraborty said.
Almost all the experts are of the view that schools and teachers play a crucial role in such cases. Ranu Biswas, the headmistress of the primary section of a city school, said, “In our school, we have had two-three cases where the students missed annual exams owing to chicken pox or high fever. But if a child is ill, especially with something communicable, we advise him/her to stay home, as other children run the risk of contracting the disease in his/her presence. Moreover, students are now promoted on the basis of overall performance throughout the year, so missing out on the annual exam doesn’t change much. But in case of brilliant students who come first or second in class, we try to tell them there’s always a next time and that a good student will always be so. If a child loses a year, we tell them they have to accept it, as anyone can fall ill, anytime. We try to counsel the parents so that they don’t pressurize the child and understand life doesn’t stop at one exam.” Clinical psychologist Jaita De Mullick said how a child treats an examination depends on h is/her environment. “Whenever a child is in a gathering, he/she has to face one question: when is your examination? Such peer pressure makes a child believe that an examination is the epitome of the education system. No one tells them that education is a much broader term; that exams are there just to gauge how much you have learnt. It is not the be all and end all. That’s exactly why children who fail to sit for an exam suffer from fear and stress. They fear loss of face among peer groups, relatives and friends. So, the environment has to change so that children do not perform out of fear or pressure, be it in school, college, or in sports or other activities.
Only then can they take adverse situations in their stride and bring out the best in themselves,” she said.