Balam Pichkari is the new Holi anthem
If you have grown up watching Amitabh Bacchhan showering Rekha with colour to the strains of the famous 'Rang Barse' song in Silsila, or Rajesh Khanna doing the dandiya dance to Aaj Na Chhodenge while a coy Asha Parekh watches quietly in Kati Patang, you would be forgiven for thinking that is how Holi is celebrated in India. But if you have ever actually played Holi, or even simply left home and got in the way of a rogue pichkari, you know that the truth is somewhat different.
Over the years, Bollywood has painted a rather sanitised picture of what is essentially a day on which merrymakers assume licence to wreak gulaal-sodden mayhem on an unsuspecting world. And while it's fun, it's certainly not pretty. Gabbar Singh's murderous Holi aside, Bollywood has been living in an ivory tower where everyone wears new white clothes, they dance in sync and sing melodiously in chorus. If someone wants to put colour on you, they will first ask, "Do me a favour, let's play Holi." Most importantly, even after the rang has barsoed and you are 10 glasses of bhaang down, you will still look gorgeous, like you could be in a soap commercial.
Dear Bollywood, get real. Here's how we play Holi off-screen.
We list the all-time favourite Holi songs and tell you why real life is different:
Rang Barse (Silsila):
When you think of Holi, this is the first song that comes to your mind. Nothing can beat Amitabh Bachchan's baritone and Rekha's free spirited dance.
Reality check: No one throws flower petals at you when you play Holi. Instead, they throw water filled balloons and aim for where it hurts most! Ouch!
Holi Ke Din (Sholay)
After watching this song, you may have thought a lot can happen over...Holi. Just like how Veeru (Dharmendra) finds love with Basanti (Hema Malini) helped by some Holi flirtation, this may have given you romantic hope too.
Reality check: Best of luck finding true love on a day most folks want to spend savouring the general atmosphere of permissiveness that accompanies it. We don't want to dampen your spirits but chances are, you won't. And even if you do, you should know that no one will dance and sing circling you and your love interest.
Soni Soni Akhiyon Wali (Mohabbatein)
This song from Mohabbatein has everything that you thought Holi was (courtesy Bollywood) : White kurtas, white miniskirts, pretty women, young college boys and of course, Shah Rukh Khan.
Reality check: If the song made you feel like you would be an outcast if you didn't wear white on Holi, you are wrong. Wear any coloured clothes, no one cares. You'll soon be multi-coloured anyway.
Do Me a Favour, Let's Play Holi (Waqt)
This song makes you believe that Indian men are chivalrous. Without your permission, they will not throw colours on you. It also shows you the different places you can play with colours: For example, a boat.
Reality check: No one plays Holi on something that's floating on the water, you will drown. Also, if you're out on the street on the day of the festival, people will throw colour at you, irrespective of whether you want it thrown or not.
Balam Pichkari (Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani)
After Rang Barse, this is the Holi anthem for the new generation. The 'Chashmish,' shy heroine (Deepika Padukone) transforms into a Holi wild child, merrily wielding a hosepipe, hair tumbling and spectacles gone.
Reality check: If you play Holi the way Deepika does in this song, you won't look anything like yourself - or like her, for that matter. Deepika has gulaal in the all right places and in just the right amount. Only her cheeks have red gulaal on it, but chances are, your teeth will be black and your eyes, blue.