Quite frankly it’s amazing any of us are married at all.
Waiting for a man to ask a question as simple as “could you direct me to the public toilets?” or “could you pass me those Ikea instructions please?” is agonising.
So how they manage to summon up the gumption to pop the BIG question and propose is quite staggering. It can only be desperation. Or true love. Or the prospect of never having to fill a washing machine ever again.
Which is why I have nothing but admiration for EastEnders’ Danny Dyer ’s long term girlfriend Joanne Mas for doing the asking on Valentine’s Day .
Because Joanne isn’t some fluffy headed desperado trying to bag her man and praying that a ring will prevent her fella from straying again.
Joanne has known Danny since she was 14. She has seen him cheat on her time and again and taken him back .
I’m guessing she knows too, then, all about the insecurities and vulnerabilities that make him so wayward – and that’s part of why she loves him too.
She knows better than all the mealy mouthed commentators what and who she is dealing with. And yet she still wants to marry him. So why the hell shouldn’t she get out there and ask him?
The Victorian days are apparently over, you know.
That he hasn’t asked her before doesn’t mean he loves her any less. Maybe it’s awareness of his failings which have made him too scared, too unworthy maybe.
But Danny is the father of Jo’s three kids and she wants their parents to be married. She is clearly a powerhouse within the relationship.
I wouldn’t want to marry a man who appears genetically programmed to cheat. But Jo is doing it with her eyes wide open. Could she find a better bloke? Possibly.
But she clearly doesn’t want to, whatever we may think.
She is going out there and taking a risk in the hope of getting what SHE wants.
The lonely waiting room for death is filled with those who didn’t take a risk because they were too scared, too proud or too conventional to stand up and ask for what they wanted.
Jo may yet be disappointed in her marriage and life. But sitting around waiting for marriage and life to happen to her – rather than going out and grabbing it – would have been a whole lot more disappointing.
