Forget ‘Ghostbusters’: Let’s Remake These Five Female-Centric Movies With Male Actors

News broke this week that director Paul Feig has reportedly netted comedians Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Leslie Jones, and Kate McKinnon for his upcoming Ghostbusters reboot. While most of the world has reacted with excitement, others are feeling a little more conflicted about the news. Some have wisely cited the dearth of female-centric stories already in existence in the canon, while others have bravely brought up the inevitable inverse of this gender-bending remake trend, implicitly asking the question — how would you guys like it if we ripped a story precious and personal to you out of your hands and placed it in the arms of the opposite gender? While obviously these are the fringe sentiments of a few lonely basement dwellers, what a fun little thought exercise we have in front of us! How would you, the women, the feminists and misandrists of the Internet, feel if we took some of your most beloved female-driven classics and flipped the genders of the casts? Well, let’s find out.

'Beaches'

This story of life long friendship between a privileged kid from San Francisco and a New York City child star who meet on a beach in Atlantic city is more than ready for a reboot. The story is timeless, and recast with real-life Hollywood bros James Franco and Seth Rogen in the respective roles, barely anything about the existing story has to change. Franco can still play the buttoned-up lawyerly type, and rather than a cabaret singer, Rogan’s character could be reimagined as a struggling stand-up trying to make it in the New York Comedy scene. This remake would be sure to have all the magic of the original, with the additional bonus of a slew of gay panic jokes. Is your childhood ruined yet? [Where to stream the original Beaches]

'Flashdance'

If someone told you about a movie centered around a Pittsburgh steel worker longing for a better life at a fancy dance conservatory, you would probably assume that this was the plot of a lesser Channing Tatum movie. And honestly, why shouldn’t it be? Tatum, dancing pile of flesh that he is, would be perfect in the Jennifer Beals role. Once that iconic ripcord is pulled, the water will wash away all the dirt and sweat from Tatum’s body, along with all your reservations about a dick-laden remake of Flashdance. [Where to stream the original Flashdance]

'Steel Magnolias'

A story about family, friendship, diabetes, and gossip, there’s nothing intrinsically feminine about this movie, so why not revisit with a few dudes at the helm? Who among us hasn’t pictured Billy Ray Cyrus (oft described as “the male Dolly Parton”) as the owner and operator of a popular beauty parlor in a small Louisiana town, frequented by colorful characters like kooky dad Matthew McConaughey, diligently managing his son’s (Josh Hutcherson) blood sugar level, and a mysterious new hairdresser (Norman Reedus) with a dark past. Jeff Daniels and Morgan Freeman round out the cast. Grab the tissues, and throw ’em out — this is a story about men, so they’ll have their emotions under control even when times get tough. [Where to stream the original Steel Magnolias]

'Barbarella'

Plenty of men have traveled the stars on the big screen (many have even shed a few tears there as well), but only women — indeed one woman — has the distinction of being the galaxy’s horniest astronaut. The remake will of course star America’s favorite son Chris Pratt as the titular sexual tourist, bravely fucking his way across the galaxy in order to stop the evil Durand Durand (Cameron Diaz). Pygar the Angel will be played by a hologram of John Phillip Law, because some things, like the original Ghostbusters, are perfect just the way they are. [Where to stream the original Barbarella]

'Annie'

Strange, isn’t it, that this Broadway production has had three movie adaptations spanning thirty years, and not once did anyone stop and ask, “Why not make the orphans boys?” Isn’t it finally time that someone brings us the story of a plucky young orphan just trying to find his way in the world without strong masculine figures in popular culture to guide him? The eponymous orphan will, of course, be played by America’s new favorite youngster Ellar Coltrane, the eponymous boy from Boyhood. Using digitally displaced clips from the early scenes of Boyhood, this reboot will sure to be both visually confusing and generally upsetting. [Where to stream the original Annie]

Joel Kim Booster is a writer, comedian, and desperate for attention.

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Photos: Everett Collection; Photoshop by Jaclyn Kessel