By John Elder
Just as you marvel at those pioneer mountain climbers who traversed icy slopes in hobnail boots, you can't fail to respect the eye-watering travails of the 1980s tennis star.
This comes to mind as you wander through the rudely sober crowd at the Australian Open and come upon Englishman Matt Chambers in a pair of bright white shorts so horribly small they'd have trouble housing a serve of grapefruit.
Gav Fields and Matt Chambers enjoy the Tennis at the Australian Open, '80s style.Credit: Luis Ascui
Mr Chambers, 27, wasn't so much walking as grinding his teeth. "This is old school tennis. Pat Cash. Andre Agassi."
Speaking of Mr Agassi: if you've wondered where his outlandish mullet wig ended up ... well, it appears to have ended up on Mr Chamber's head.
"It's not a wig. That's my real hair, mate," says Mr Chambers. "I don't normally wear a mullet."
He says he cut it especially for the weekend. "I'll wear it in a pony tail."
His friend Gavin Fields, 32, walked a little easier with a McEnroe wig and simple needs.
"We need some VIP help ... to raise our profile," he says.
In short(s), Mr Fields and Mr Chambers have come down from Sydney with the idea that a host of women will pay them attention. And it's worked, sort of. As we speak a variety of young women come to wedge themselves between the lads and take selfies.
"Getting girls is the main point. You talk to them and get their phone numbers," says Mr Chambers.
"Yeah. A.B.R," says Mr Fields, cryptically.
What's A.B.R? "Always Be Ready ... if we can get that trending on Twitter, our stocks will rise."
So how many phone numbers have these fellows – who both work in IT – collected. "None yet," says Mr Chambers. "But we've got three days."
And a spare pair of shorts apparently.