FB page for adoptive parents aims to dispel myths

Bengaluru: Adopting a child comes with a lot of psychological uncertainties and apprehensions. And these two adoptive mothers only know it too well. Together they have created a Facebook page, For & Of Heart Babies. This helps guide couples who have recently adopted children address various issues in bringing up the kids, including obtaining passports, dealing with neighbours, relatives and disclosing the fact to the child.
Srobona Das, 44, mother of a four-year-old adopted daughter, who worked with the advertisement industry and Swarna Venkataraman, 40, mother of a three -year-old adopted boy and an entrepreneur in eco-tourism space, first spoke to each other on phone and found an instant connect, thanks to their adoption stories.
“The idea of starting a forum for adoption-related discussion and make the concept popular came up when we saw judgmental comments about adoption on many social networking sites,” says Swarna.
The duo floated the closed network Facebook page in October. “This group is only for adoptive parents and for prospective adoptive parents. Membership will be based on approval by admin after answering a short questionnaire. We request members to stay away from comments that are judgmental, negative or potentially hurtful. This group is to debunk the myths around adoption and to support each others adoption journey. Adoptive parents must not be put on the pedestal. We are no different from biological parents. We want to detach the holiness attached to adoption and make it a household name. There’s a charitable angle to adoption which we don’t subscribe to,” says Srobona.
The FB page has 68 members. Many others have filled up the questionnaire and are awaiting approval. “We want to make sure members of the group are genuine and all that we speak are about adopted children . No callous comments, and no nonsense,” the duo says.
The virtual meeting of adoptive parents daily is helping many address issues where neither the government nor NGOs can help.
A mother of a newborn, who also has a three-year-old adopted child, was upset by the feeling that she shares a different bond with the biological child. “We explained to her that it’s natural, and any biological mother would feel that way with the birth of the second kid. We told her to see the arrival of the biological kid as a blessing for having adopted a kid. We even suggested her to go for counselling,” says Swarna.
“There is a lack of pre-adoption counselling, which, ideally, is a must. Those who have missed it are battling with issues like how to let the child know that s/he is adopted, or preparing a family for adoption. We suggest parents go for post-adoption counselling and share our experience with them,” said Srobona.
Lord Krishna, an adopted child
Want to let your adopted kid know the fact? Narrate it with a story, say Swarna and Srobona.
They advocate the tale of the lonely king and the queen (Tulika books) who hear an oracle, follow it for miles, and finally land up in front of a yellow building where they see a baby crying. They bring home the baby and lead a happy life ever after.
“Lord Krishna was an adopted boy and we worship him. That’s how we have to make adoption a known phenomenon and erase the stigma,” says Swarna. Adoptive parents have to overcome the fear of who says what. They must not pass on such fears to the child, she adds.