As I listen to Anup Jalota talking about his late wife Medha, the soulful Natalie Merchant song My Beloved Wife keeps playing in my head. It’s heartbreaking when the renowned singer says, “The inspiration has gone out of my singing.” He recently performed at a concert, but he says it was mechanical, not from the soul. The singer is still grieving over the loss. Read on for excerpts...
Your devotion to your wife in this day and age when commitment is rare... truly inspiring.
What Medha contributed to my life for 20 years is worth more than 60 years of loveless marriages. She filled my life with love and happiness. I’m indebted to her.
How are you coping?
Life goes on. My belief is that there are only two truths to existence: life and death. When someone is born, we celebrate. When someone is gone, why hate that reality?
It isn’t easy for the bereaved to be so spiritually evolved?
It is the only truth and we must accept it. When death happens there is a lot of pain in the one who loses a dear one. I was in Guwahati for a concert recently. I sang professionally, but the enthusiasm’s gone.
Medha was in a lot of pain. Don’t you think death was a mukti for her?
No. She wanted to live more. Yes, she was in pain. But the two of us were fighting the enemy (her illness). We were enjoying the fight, because we thought we were equal to it. She enjoyed every minute of her life. During her last two months when she was in hospital in New York, every day was a celebration. She spread sunshine wherever she went. Javed Akhtar saab said something so wonderful at the prayer meeting. He said, ‘Medha was a very healthy happy person trapped in a sick body.’
You were always by her bedside...
I was staying with her in the hospital. When we checked in, the doctors asked me where I’d be staying. I said right there in the room. I slept, lived in that room with her. I’d reluctantly return for a couple of days to India for work. But I’d rush back. For those two months, her room in NY was my home.
How did you make those two months special for her?
If you see her pictures from her last days, she is always smiling. Every day we started by discussing what kind of food she wanted . One day she’s want Japanese dinner, the next day an Afghani lunch. Every wish of hers was my command. After meals, I’d wheel her down from her hospital room to have ice-cream. We had two months of a beautiful vacation while she was in hospital. She was fighting her illness, undergoing constant treatment, dialysis and all that. But we accepted all of it as part of life, her life, our life.
You were aware of her heart ailment when you married her?
When I proposed to Medha she told me her heart was going wrong. I told her, ‘That’s the body. I’m not talking about the body.’ Once she accepted my feelings everything else ceased to matter.
Your live concerts continue?
Yes, in fact I am performing in New Orleans this week. But my heart is not in it anymore. My inspiration is gone. It was very difficult. I wasn’t singing. I was working. There is a difference. That sense of happiness in my singing is gone. After the terahvi other people return to office. My office is the stage. I went out to perform. When I was performing in Guwahati the thought that she is no more suddenly came to mind and it became difficult to sing. But she’s with me. She will always be with me.
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