What do Dr. Phil, Larry Gatlin and UH football have in common?

In my best puffed-up Warner Wolf voice …

"If you had Wisconsin and 58 points to beat Ohio State - you lost!"

Ohio State entered the Big 10 championship game Saturday night as 4-point underdogs to Wisconsin. Ohio State won, 59-0, making it the biggest margin of victory for an underdog in college football history. That'll learn you to bet on favorites.

Here's some factoids from my buddy Mike, who knows his way around point spreads and sports gambling. You don't need his last name.

In 1940, Washington was a 3.5-point favorite to beat Chicago in the NFL championship game. Chicago won, 73-0 - the largest margin of victory against the point spread in modern NFL history.

Here's the most unbelievable football line - and it has a Houston connection. You know me, local columnist …

In 1968, the Tulsa Golden Hurricane team, ravaged by a flu bug, was a 20-point underdog to the 11th-ranked, high-scoring, rockin' and rollin' University of Houston in the Astrodome. UH was led by receiver Elmo Wright, the first player to do a touchdown dance in the end zone. That tickled me, Elmo.

Houston won, 100-6. It was the last time a major college football team scored in triple figures. It makes Ohio State's 59-0 romp over Wisconsin look like a nail-biter.

Weird: The UH-Tulsa score was "only" 24-0 at the half. Tulsa scored early in the third quarter to make it 24-6. That's when Houston ran off 72 unanswered points, including 49 in the fourth quarter.

With the score 86-6 and four minutes remaining, UH backup quarterback Rusty Clark threw a touchdown strike to another benchwarmer - future Grammy Award-winning country star Larry Gatlin. It was the only touchdown pass Gatlin ever caught for the Cougars.

Wait, it gets weirder. Playing middle linebacker for Tulsa that woeful day - Dr. Phil.

I wonder, "How did that make you feel, Dr. Phil?"

You scream, I scream

About a year ago, H-E-B Houston president Scott McClelland and I made a challenge. We'd both eat WAY too many varieties of H-E-B brand ice cream and rank our Top 5. Basically it was just an excuse to indulge our ice cream addictions. Neither of us has met that fellow, Will Power.

I know, I need a hobby. And a nutritionist.

There are about 60 different flavors of H-E-B ice cream. I eliminated a bunch off the bat. I don't eat mint or fruity ice cream. I'm not sure what sherbet is, so that's gone. And "no sugar added" is out of the question. I'm a chocolate guy, so I still had plenty of flavors on my plate.

Here are my favorites: 1. Intense Chocolate. 2. Toasted Almond Fudge. 3. Coconut Almond Chocolate Chip. 4. Chocolate Malt Swirl. 5. French Vanilla.

McClelland's list: 1. 1905 Vanilla. 2. Buttered Pecan. 3. Intense Chocolate. 4. Rocky Road. 5. Homemade Vanilla with Chocolate Syrup.

No wonder J.J. Watt doesn't want to let McClelland into his party. Vanilla? I used to think that vanilla was the way all ice cream started and then they added flavor.

"When I was a kid, we put Hershey's syrup on our ice cream. My sister would mash it into her ice cream and then stir it until her vanilla became chocolate ice cream. It would make my dad crazy. She still does it today," McClelland said.

Quiet on the set

Two years ago, there was an election in my little town (great song by Simon and Garfunkel). Six candidates ran for four council seats. Two of the candidates got into a battle of insults. They called each other every name in the book. It got pretty personal.

Meanwhile, the other four candidates kept their traps shut. If pressed on the issues, they may have come out in favor of motherhood.

When the votes were counted, the two candidates who finished fifth and six, and out of the money? The two guys who went at it like Don Rickles and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

Get my point, Baylor and TCU?

No bull

Now that everybody in Houston can watch Houston Rockets games, just like a real city with mature leaders, it's obvious that Matt Bullard is the best color analyst in Houston sports since the Astros let Jim Deshaies slip away to Chicago.

The champ griller

I've given up on outdoor gas grills. Unless you get the Doppler 10,000 model, they don't get hot enough to blast a burger just right. So I've gone old school. I got a George Foreman grill, the new "Evolve" model, and it gets hot as blazes to grill burgers perfectly. Plus it doesn't flare up when you use 80/20 ground beef, my choice for burgers. With my gas grill, it's a wonder the fire department doesn't show up sometimes.

I haven't had a Foreman grill in 20 years. They really have Evolve-d. This thing heats up in a minute and cleans up even faster. I'm done with gas grills. Although I am keeping my 55-gallon barrel charcoal grill for when I have the team over for lunch.