JESUSASFDG&$HGDRT%EGHJKN/!)YBDMGÑCHRIST! They did it again. Look at it! Look at that freaking haters-gonna-hate number 1 proudly walking through OS X's dock! Some (asshole) reader made me notice this today and now I want to punch my MacBook Pro Retina screen like Joe Pesci.
I thought we had won this war. I thought that, after much righteous whining and furious anger, we brought balance to the typographical Force on iOS. Apple's designers finally recognized their glaring mistake and placed the first day on the Calendar app icon in a perfect optically centered position. It was beautiful. Everyone was happy.
But no. It was just an illusion. A momentary victory. A sick joke. Just when I thought this nonsense was all over and I was out, they had to pull me back in.
So without further ado, I would reproduce here the first article about all this madness because, honestly, I'm hating too much too hard to write anything remotely coherent. I would rather be sizzling with anger in a corner while I drink red wine imagining it's Apple designers' blood.
Why the F*ck Is the 1 On the iPhone's Calendar Off Center?
This is freaking me out today. You see, I hardly look at my calendar date on the iPhone OS X. But today I did [thanks again asshole reader!] I looked at that pixel-perfect, beautiful Retina screen and this problem got instantly into my eye, like a white hot scalpel pinching through my iris until it reached the back of my skull.
See what I mean? Can you see IT? The 1 is off center. Instead of being optically centered, it's geometrically centered. So it just looks wrong. Really, what happened there, Steve Jon? Where did all that love for typography and attention to detail go? Out the fucking window of your silver Merc Aston Martin, that's where.
Perhaps this is some kind of cruel April Fools joke Holidays prank from Cupertino. Maybe they are all at the office, hahahing at their clever joke. OK. I don't find it fucking funny, but I understand your desire to torture your users.
But what about if it's not? What about if May 1st January 1 comes and the 1 goes off center again. What will happen then? Would they issue an iPhone Mac recall? Would they fix this in iPhone 5 the MacBook Air Retina [when the hell is that coming, anyway]? Would Steve Cook send emails saying that we are looking at the screen in the wrong way? Would he argue that all phones computers have the 1 incorrectly centered? Would Apple give us transparent vinyl overlays with a correctly aligned 1 to place over the iPhone Macbook screen every first day of the month? Can this really be fixed in a future software patch? Would Apple's spokesperson John Gruber say that Android's Windows' number 1 sucks so much that it actually looks like a 2?
Seriously, I'm not even bloody joking here. This 1 center alignment is the biggest bollocking to come out of Cupertino since they released their veggie burger mouse.
Fuck this. I keep looking at it and it's driving me bonkers. I'm turning the iPhone my Mac off for today.
You know, I'm thinking maybe this is why Apple's stock has tanked today.
P.S. Oh, and the DEC is off center too. Fuck everything.