Thanksgiving, Muslim-style: If Erdogan was right about the Americas

Published November 25th, 2014 - 02:03 GMT

After Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s (baseless) assertion that Muslim explorers found the Americas before Sheikh Columbus, AlBawaba wonders what Thanksgiving - that most American holiday of food, booze and shopping - would look like today if Erdogan was right.

The Turkish president made headlines recently when he claimed that Muslim explorers crossed the Atlantic in the 12th century and pipped the much-credited Columbus to the post. Erdogan was drawing his claim from a passage in Columbus’ diary that mentions a ‘mosque’ in Cuba. But that passage is thought to be a metaphorical description of a hill, the BBC reported, and there’s no evidence of early Muslim settlement in the Caribbean. That said, as The Washington Post writes, there is some reason to think that pre-Columbian sailors made it to the Americas. We know for sure that the Vikings reached Newfoundland around 1,000 A.D. And let’s not forget the Native Americans who had been there for millennia. (Until the Europeans slaughtered most of them. But we’ll ignore that for now, and have another slice of pie … )

Join us on a trip to an alternate reality, a whole New World of Eastern fragrances and flavors. Hitch up your dishdash, grab a plate of pumpkin baclava and eat your heart out, America.

This is Thanksgiving, Muslim-style. Or as we like to call it, Hamdul’illah Day ...

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Kebabs, not turkey … or turkey kebabs? The bird is the centerpiece of any Thanksgiving feast, and we think turkey kebabs with cranberry yogurt sauce would be a fitting treatment. Cutting it up into smaller pieces means no panicked calls to the Butterball hotline, and no burned-on-the-outside, frozen-on-the-inside holiday debacles.

Watching football, not “football.” Folks will still be gathering around the TV as the hosts do the hard work in the kitchen. But they’ll be watching football instead of ... uh, that other kind of football. Regardless of the sport, Dallas is probably going to lose.

Tea and coffee, not beer and bourbon. It goes without saying that tea and coffee would be the beverages of choice at a Muslim Thanksgiving. Those who need a few drinks to get through a family gathering will be out of luck - or sneaking a flask out behind the garage.

Pumpkin baklava, not pumpkin pie. When traveling in the Middle East we’re happy to trade in pies for baklava and kanafa, but Thanksgiving without Grandma’s homemade pecan or apple pie is a grim prospect. That said, honey, pistachios, and pumpkin doesn’t sound like that bad a combination ... or Turkish delight, anybody?

Everybody would have to take some time off from their Black Friday shopping rampages to go to midday prayers at the mosque. But we think a little calming break for reflection on the Almighty would be good for everyone. Especially the poor store clerks.

Separate tables? In some families, men and women might be sitting separately. Either way, there’s probably going to need to be more than one children’s table to accommodate big families.

A few things won't be changing much. Someone always shows up with the same disgusting side dish year after year. Here, Aunt Marge’s slimy green bean casserole becomes Aunt Noora’s slimy melokhia.

Eat too much? Of course you did. There are definite advantages to traditional Middle Eastern dress. If you’re wearing a dishdash, you don’t need to worry about letting out your belt at the end of the meal.

Instead of your mother-in-law complaining about Cousin Cathy giving her a dirty look, your aunties will be complaining about someone giving them the evil eye.

Pretty much everyone would still hate the vegetarians.

Lastly, in Muslim Thanksgiving, awkward family dinners would still be awkward family dinners … but they’d be larger … and they’d be sober.

Happy Thanksgiving from AlBawaba! (And Recep Tayyip Erdogan)

Kabab
football arabs
Arab tea and coffee
Pumpkin kinafa
Mall empty
Family men
Melokhia
Dishdash
Women evil eye
vegan
Family dinner
Happy Thanksgiving from AlBawaba! (And Recep Tayyip Erdogan)
Kabab
Kebabs, not turkey … or turkey kebabs? The bird is the centerpiece of any Thanksgiving feast, and we think turkey kebabs with cranberry yogurt sauce would be a fitting treatment. Cutting it up into smaller pieces means no panicked calls to the Butterball hotline, and no burned-on-the-outside, frozen-on-the-inside holiday debacles.
football arabs
Watching football, not “football.” Folks will still be gathering around the TV as the hosts do the hard work in the kitchen. But they’ll be watching football instead of ... uh, that other kind of football. Regardless of the sport, Dallas is probably going to lose.
Arab tea and coffee
Tea and coffee, not beer and bourbon. It goes without saying that tea and coffee would be the beverages of choice at a Muslim Thanksgiving. Those who need a few drinks to get through a family gathering will be out of luck - or sneaking a flask out behind the garage.
Pumpkin kinafa
Pumpkin baklava, not pumpkin pie. When traveling in the Middle East we’re happy to trade in pies for baklava and kanafa, but Thanksgiving without Grandma’s homemade pecan or apple pie is a grim prospect. That said, honey, pistachios, and pumpkin doesn’t sound like that bad a combination ... or Turkish delight, anybody?
Mall empty
Everybody would have to take some time off from their Black Friday shopping rampages to go to midday prayers at the mosque. But we think a little calming break for reflection on the Almighty would be good for everyone. Especially the poor store clerks.
Family men
Separate tables? In some families, men and women might be sitting separately. Either way, there’s probably going to need to be more than one children’s table to accommodate big families.
Melokhia
A few things won't be changing much. Someone always shows up with the same disgusting side dish year after year. Here, Aunt Marge’s slimy green bean casserole becomes Aunt Noora’s slimy melokhia.
Dishdash
Eat too much? Of course you did. There are definite advantages to traditional Middle Eastern dress. If you’re wearing a dishdash, you don’t need to worry about letting out your belt at the end of the meal.
Women evil eye
Instead of your mother-in-law complaining about Cousin Cathy giving her a dirty look, your aunties will be complaining about someone giving them the evil eye.
vegan
Pretty much everyone would still hate the vegetarians.
Family dinner
Lastly, in Muslim Thanksgiving, awkward family dinners would still be awkward family dinners … but they’d be larger … and they’d be sober.
Happy Thanksgiving from AlBawaba! (And Recep Tayyip Erdogan)
Happy Thanksgiving from AlBawaba! (And Recep Tayyip Erdogan)

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