“I love her...I hate her”

Sanjay Leela Bhansali is in the midst of a million things. But he concedes to my guzaarish because the interview is about Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. It’s a Sunday afternoon and he’s just finished his hurried lunch. His energy levels dipping, he calls for two bars of chocolate. Fruit and nut is his specification. The sugar shot works. There is also an eavesdropper to our conversation. The customised wheel chair, made for Hrithik Roshan, who plays a paraplegic in Guzaarish, stands quietly at a distance. It’s on its way to become part of the movie’s memorabilia. The director begins talking animatedly about the actress who  has incarnated his characters Nandini (Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam), Paro (Devdas) and now Sophia (Guzaarish). Excerpts…



Ash believed in me
There was a sense of excitement the day we began shooting for Guzaarish. Eight years after Devdas, Ash and I were coming together again. She hugged me and said, “Thank God, this moment has come!” The film happened because of the belief that the industry still has beautiful people despite the failure of Saawariya. When I had approached her with the script she’d said, “I want to say yes first, hear the script later.” That’s what a person who believes in you and your talent is all about. The kind of maturity, grace and dignity, I wanted for my character Sophia in Guzaarish was something only Ash could have. I didn’t want to see her with shringar (beautification) this time. I wanted to give a different interpretation to her beauty. Her face has a quiet silence which I had not explored till now. Her beauty in the film comes from within, from her understanding of Hrithik’s character. Her earlier characters Nandini and Paro were volatile. Here she has a quiet strength.

Her eyes have power
There’s something in her eyes. That’s the most important aspect of her beauty. They are not ‘normal’. They are so powerful that even if you don’t give her dialogue, they emote. Some eyes have devi shakti (power of the goddess). Like Hemaji’s (Malini) eyes. Like Lataji’s (Mangeshkar). Also, her eyes are beautifully coloured and fill up naturally. When I met her for the first time inhi aankhon ka asar huwa tha (these very eyes had affected me deeply). I remember we were at the screening of Raja Hindustani. After the film she came up to me in the lobby, shook hands and said, “Hi! I am Aishwarya Rai. I liked your work in Khamoshi.” Our hands met, our eyes met. I saw a fire in her eyes. Those days I was looking for a girl to play Nandini. I said to myself, ‘Yehi to hai meri Nandini (she is my Nandini)’. People had doubts, whether she would deliver because she had a Miss World image and a Western face. But I thought why not tie her hair in a plait and give her a traditional look?



Ours is a past connection
I believe our relationship is not confined to this lifetime. It’s a deeper bond. My assistants are shocked at the understanding we share. Even before I could explain the scene to her she’d have understood it. She has incorporated a new body language, new reactions and new reflexes for Sophia’s character. I don’t like too many rehearsals. An actor has to feel that moment and react spontaneously. Through this film, Hrithik, Ash and I have become more evolved as people. We’ve realised the importance of life and cherishing people in our lives. If a work of art is not cathartic, if it does not cleanse you, then it’s not a work of art.



I’d like to make a Taj Mahal for her
I fall in love with the person I am working with. I surrender myself. It’s a state of love so pure. I cherish my actors. She is my muse though I can’t call her my Mona Lisa. But yes I would like to make a Taj Mahal for her. That Taj Mahal would be my movie for her. I have always gone to her with a film that has made a difference to her life. My camera has been able to capture the changing person through the years. That’s the privilege which only I as a filmmaker have had. In these 10 years, I have captured the joy of love, the anguish of love she’s been through and the state of happiness she’s now in. I have seen these three different stages, which have been captured for posterity on film.

She’s not in a turbulent stage anymore
Also, she has lived more. She has gone through experiences. Life also teaches you more than you already know. Responsibilities teach you to look at life differently. All the exposure she has had from just being Miss World to sitting with Steven Spielberg as the jury member is an achievement and opens your mind. Also, she now has a happier life. That has made her calmer. It has made her respond to situations in a nicer way. Initially she was temperamental. She would flare up easily. There was too much upheaval in her life. But she’s not in a turbulent stage anymore. She has settled well into her family and now has a different outlook to the world. As an actor she’s more relaxed. Today she has gone beyond competition.



I love her and I hate her
I share an ambivalent relationship with her. I love her a lot and I also hate her. But I hate her in a positive way. Sometimes you hate a person’s guts, her audacity. At the end of the day, she’s Aishwarya Rai and she’s not going to succumb to any pressure. It’s like, ‘If you think you are smart, I’m also smart.’ But if a relationship is not namkeen (salty) or has no takraar (conflict), there’s no fun. Hum takrate hain (we have conflicts), we have fights also. We disagree about shots. Sometimes she storms out, sometimes I do. There are times when she thinks I don’t understand her enough or have not given her as much importance. It’s childlike but it’s pure. Any relationship that has no conflict becomes diabetic, saccharine sweet for me. She has tevar (attitude), she’s teekhi (fiery) and tez (forceful). That makes our relationship complete. She asks me, ‘What do you mean when you say I love you and I hate you?’ I tell her, ‘Sometimes I get very angry with you and don’t want to see you. But then I can’t be without you’. Her respect and love for me is immense. When she looks at me, her expression says, ‘Anything for you and I will be there’. That concern is pure. She’s done a lot for me.
 


She’s not ‘cold’, she’s vulnerable
People call her cold, distant and manipulative. Yes, she thinks before she acts. She has a mind of her own. But she has a heart that feels more. In every hour of crisis I’ve gone through, Aishwarya Rai has called, called again and again. Be it Saawariya not doing well or when we had a difference of opinion about Bajirao Mastani being shelved for various reasons. I thought she’d gone to press saying she wouldn’t do it instead of telling me. But she came on the sets of Black and cleared it all saying, “I don’t have anything in my heart. I have personally come to tell you this. I want to connect with a friend.” There’s nothing cold about her. She’s always been so warm to my mother (Leela Bhansali) and sister (editor Bela Sehgal). Because of her precision of beauty and achievements, she becomes distant for you. You put her on a pedestal. But actually she’s very vulnerable, very sensitive and gets hurt very easily. She’s God fearing and honest.



I will always remember…
There are innumerable memories with her that I cherish. The first time I shook hands with her. When she ran barefoot on the Kutch desert in 35 degree temperature for the introductory scene of HDDCS. When she danced with bruised feet for Nimbooda nimbooda or shot for Dola dola with aching earlobes. I loved to watch her emerge from the van and walk to the sets of Devdas. I liked to watch her nakhra, her cham-cham (sounds made by her anklets). She comes alive when she puts on make-up, when she makes notes in her van, when she asks me questions. She has a beautiful face but her mind is more beautiful.




She’s the last of the stars
Today she’s Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. So she has to maintain a certain kind of authority. Yet the laughter, the chuckle is the same. It’s the same holding of the hands and reaching out to people. The girl is very much there but of course there is a garb. Every artiste has to create a wall to safeguard herself. She knows where to draw the line. She walks in on the sets with a lot of joy and laughter. She’s very good to my assistants, my technicians but yet she’s always ‘Ma’m’ to them. She knows how to maintain the distinction between the person and star. There’s a mystery and unpredictability about her. Like Hema Malini, Waheeda Rehman and Rekha, she’s the last of the stars.