Louise McSharry: Losing my hair paralysed me with fear, I didn't leave the house for days

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Freya Drohan

Broadcaster Louise McSharry admits that losing her hair was one of her first thoughts when she was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

The 2FM radio host recently wrote a blog for Image Daily, describing how losing her hair proved to be a more turbulent experience than she anticipated.

“I started thinking about my hair within the first three minutes of being diagnosed with cancer,” Louise writes. “I really thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. I’d had short hair before, and loved it!”

Louise told those around her that the “hair thing” really didn’t bother her, and decided to shave her head instead of watch her hair slowly fall out.

As she sat in the hairdressers chair while stylist Christian Shannon took a razor to her hair, she assured her boyfriend and best friend that all was fine.

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However, she realised that losing her hair had a profound effect on her confidence and self esteem.

“It came as a shock to me...when I found myself crying, alone, afraid to leave the house after shaving my head,” Louise revealed.

The 31-year-old emotionally described the ensuing days.

“Then came those tears...I needed to go to Tesco, but was paralysed by fear. The bravado had abandoned me, and I had no choice but to face the reality of what I was feeling - ugly and unfeminine.

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“My feminist principles were rankled at the fact that my sense of femininity could be so easily damaged by a simple alteration of appearance. I think I’d thought, on some level, that I was better than that; that I wasn’t the type of person who’d get upset about something as frothy as a hairstyle. It came as a surprise, this upset. I didn’t leave the house that day - or even the next day.

After a few days, the outspoken media personality found the courage and strength to face the public.

“Unsurprisingly, I was fine,” she writes. “No one stared at me, or made comment, and eventually I was happily bopping around town like nothing had happened at all.”

Louise is refreshingly honest and inspiring when it comes to talking about her illness and the related side effects.

“In a Dunnes Stores changing room, I realized that I don’t look like someone who’s shaved their head anymore. I look like a sick person. So the upset is back. And this time it’s not about vanity, or femininity, it’s about the fact that I have cancer and I can’t really avoid it anymore.

“So, after weeks of arrogantly proclaiming that it had been a total waste of money, I wore my wig last night. I’ll probably wear it again tonight. My reflection is too much for me right now. I don’t want to think about the cancer, and I don’t want to make anyone else think about it either. That’s what it’s come down to. It’s not about being pretty, or stylish, it’s just about avoiding the reality of what’s going on. It’s about feeling normal for a while. For as long as I can.”

You can follow Louise on Twitter @LouiseMcSharry