Who says cranks don't have a sense of humour?

Yet proving that no matter how crazy you think some people are, they will insist on out-crazying you at every turn, this column's old mates in ARAN are doing exactly that.

ARAN, the people who brought you such classics as the Love/Hate cat controversy, are back and I have to grudgingly admit that it's nice to see that they haven't become any more sensible.

When Burton remarked that there's more than one way to skin a cat, I'd imagine she was speaking metaphorically. But what do I know? Hell, the chances are you were equally ignorant.

Well, we have a lot to learn (although about what, I'm not entirely sure) from ARAN and their strong, courageous and indefatigable leader, John Carmondy, who thundered from behind his kaftan: "People will listen to what Joan is saying and we cannot have her coming out with phrases like she did yesterday talking about skinning a cat in order to sell her story of the upcoming Budget."

They then went all David Walliams by saying they were "firing off a stiff letter". So far, so bonkers, although I'm sure Joan will be delighted that such a worthy foe thinks people listen to her.

But maybe Carmody - or Mr Carmody to you - has a point. Why should we allow our politicians to flagrantly trivialise an issue as grave as imaginary animal cruelty by talking about something as ephemeral as the Budget? Doesn't she know that, as a result of her incendiary and dangerous remarks about flaying a feline, somebody might go out and test her theory?

They probably won't, of course. In fact, I'd wager my house on it. But, dagnabit, that's not the point. The point is that somewhere, in El Carmodio's world, there are now, probably, going to be slavering hordes of dedicated Burtonites who could be enjoined, probably, into a bit of de-skinning.

Who knew politicians were such a terrible influence on our young, impressionable people? Should we add Joan Burton to the list of things that must be carefully monitored, alongside rap music, video games and Askfm?

But, as ever, I see a solution. Why don't we vote for El Carmodio?

No, don't run away. Think about it for a second. We could usher in a new era of politics which affords activists the one thing they've always wanted but could never mange - influence.

We could put El Carmodio in charge of agriculture and fisheries, because he has such a keen understanding of how that world works. And we'd get to see him telling farmers why keeping cows makes them worse than a plantation owner.

While we're at it, we could make Margaretta D'Arcy our Minister for Foreign Affairs, which would then open the doors to us finally achieving national reunification - with Gaza.

In fact, while we're going totally crazy, we could even give Sinn Fein the economics portfolio!

Oh wait, bad example. . .

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A PALIN WHEN...

Having bounced around the fringes of the Republican Party for the last few years, where only the most extreme Tea Baggers could stomach her, Sarah Palin is back where she truly belongs - in the middle of a mass brawl in Alaska.

Palin's family attended a snowmobile party in Anchorage last weekend and things became as heated as only a snowmobile in Anchorage can get when her husband, son and eldest daughter all got stuck into a massive fist fight that left blood, tears and teeth all over the place as they were ejected from the party.

Frankly, it all sounds like great fun (one witness brilliantly described Palin as "crawling over people to get involved in the fight"). But in true hick tradition, the last image of the fight was her eldest son, Track, apparently standing outside the venue with "no shirt, with blood on him, giving the middle finger to the people inside".

Frankly, it ain't a proper party until someone rips their shirt off and stands outside the venue while giving everyone else the finger.

In fact, it brings back fond memories of the last Indo Christmas party.

OKAY, THAT ONE REALLY IS A NEW LOW

There has been something heartening about the increase in airline passengers objecting to people moving their seat fully backwards, even if that 'knee defender' clip seems rather sneaky and rude.

But they're not the worst. Oh no, they are not even close to being the worst. Which is a rather terrifying thought.

A Facebook page designed to 'passenger shame' has come up with some absolutely stunning examples of selfish behaviour on flights but one really stands out - people who wee in the sink.

Frankly, I would have thought it more difficult to negotiate your way over the sink than using the actual loo. Why did they not use the toilet provided in the cubicle? Was someone already sitting on it? Why didn't they empty the sink afterwards, rather than leave it there? I'm going to guess it's a bloke wot dun it, purely on the grounds no woman could possibly be that agile. Could they?