Oh, OK — we’re kidding. Sort of. I mean, if you follow the logic, the idea of a Fifty Shades of Grey theme park isn’t altogether too far-fetched. Both Harry Potter and Frozen got the go-ahead after becoming cultural phenomena.
And, let’s face it, Fifty Shades certainly fits that bill, too. We take a playful look at it — and a few other entertainment crazes — that could conceivably get the proverbial theme park seal of approval.
Fifty Shades of Grey
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Just what would a Fifty Shades theme park entail, you might ask. Well, one thing’s for sure, it wouldn’t be found at Disney World. But with the success of books like Fifty Shades and shows like Masters of Sex, perhaps the public is ready for an adults-only exhibit. And, hey, who says it can’t be tasteful? It could be packaged as a romantic — and even educational — getaway. Walking tours would be held at a replica of Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. Hotel accommodations could mirror scaled-down versions of Grey’s Escala penthouse (red room included).
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Dining options would include lunch at Pike Place Market and dinner at Columbia Tower Club. The Washington State University library exhibit would be a “history of sex”-style museum. And as for rides, you’ve heard of the Tower of Terror, right? At this park, the doomed elevator wouldn’t be in the Hollywood Tower Hotel but, rather, the Heathman Hotel. After all, adrenaline is an aphrodisiac. Kind of gives new meaning to amusement park, eh?
The Twilight Saga
This one might actually be less likely than Fifty Shades of Grey to come to fruition, if you can believe it — seeing as how author Stephanie Meyer has already kiboshed the notion. “I cannot comprehend why you would do that,” she curtly responded when asked about the possibility of Twilightland. Aw, lighten up, Steph! Seems to us there are a few potentially fun angles for a Twilight-themed park.
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Guests could take a log-flume-style ride through a visually stunning forest and over a “waterfall,” just as Bella did in her hunting scene. They could eat at Bella Italia, The Lodge or the Bloated Toad (hope they are fans of Italian food). The entire park would rain at random intervals to recreate the soggy Forks feeling, and patrons could dash into The Thunderbird and Whale bookstore to get out of the rain. Or, if reading doesn’t suit, there’s always the local theater, which plays Face Punch on loop… and the Twilight films, natch. But the real draw, undoubtedly, would be a wax museum where Twihards could snap selfies with Edward Cullen himself.
The Hunger Games
Earlier this year, Lionsgate films reiterated their intention to move forward with the development of a theme park based on the wildly popular Hunger Games trilogy. We know what you are thinking: “Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. The entire premise of the trilogy is child sacrifice!” Hmm. How’s that going to work? First of all, you can’t look too deeply into this. Otherwise, you’re right — it would be far too morbid. Sure, we like reading these dystopian tales, but we’re not so keen on actually being subjected to a totalitarian government that forces us to pick off children one by one.
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Still, this could be a fantastical (albeit dark) journey that we’d happily take. If visitors to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter can board the Hogwarts Express at King’s Cross Station to travel the British countryside, guests at The Hunger Games park can likewise put themselves in Katniss and Peeta’s shoes by taking the train to the Capitol. Once there, each guest will be assigned a District. They would then head to the virtual-simulation training center — think along the lines of a grown-up version of Wii Fit — to earn points for their District by showing off their mastery of weapons. Finally, for those seeking true Hunger Games glory, a 3-D MotionMaster-style ride would place guests in the arena right alongside Katniss and the other volunteers. As they say, “May the odds be ever in your favor.”
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