This story is from November 28, 2014

Apps play cupid for Gurgaon loners

Dating apps have lost the ‘loser’ tag, with singles in this city full of migrants actively seeking out people with similar interests and tastes through them
Apps play cupid for Gurgaon loners
Dating apps have lost the ‘loser’ tag, with singles in this city full of migrants actively seeking out people with similar interests and tastes through them
Remember the days of Facebook ‘fraandship’ requests and the single person’s struggle to get friends to set them up with other single friends? It didn’t matter if you were on the pushy single side or the annoyed setting up end, but the process of getting a date in Gurgaon remained a task for all.
But in the last few months, there’s a new dating medium which has conveniently and almost sneakily found a large number of followers in the singles community here. We’re referring to the many international and desi startup dating apps like Tinder, Woo, OkCupid, Thrill, Twoo and more, that have led to many first dates in the city. In the constantly moving population of the Millennium City, the relocated ones find people to show them around and the permanent ones find people to meet outside of their existing social circles. Not all is smooth and happy and one might get their share of forced conversations and awkward ‘unmatches’ too, but according to these dating app users, meeting the intellectual and working population of Gurgaon is worth getting on the apps for.
New guy in the city, found friends if not a date
In Gurgaon, considering how people relocate here for work, there’s always the new guy/girl syndrome. So these apps have helped many new guys find people to explore the city with sans the usual pressure associated with making the first move. Prateek Tripathi*, who works with an analytics firm and stays in DLF Phase IV, says, “I moved here from Pune last month and though I have made friends in office, they’re not the kind of people I would want to hang out with on weekends. So I joined this app that shows and connects you with people around you. I was looking for someone to show me cool places in Gurgaon and I found people to give me recommendations. The apps help in meeting new people but once you meet them, how you handle the situation is up to you. But not all experiences are good. There was this one girl, who turned me down for a stand up comedy gig saying, ‘Sorry can’t trust you, what it you’re a potential rapist?’ I was just, ‘Woah, what?!’ That conversation obviously fizzled out. That’s the only problem, you never know who might get offended and when.”
It’s safer than talking to a guy at the bar
For the girls getting on these apps, safety is obviously a concern. Kaveri Sharma*, a management trainee in Udyog Vihar, tells us, “It’s safer than talking to a complete stranger at the bar. I had been single for a while and when I heard about this app, I thought, ‘Why not?’ When you are on the app, you get people’s bios which show pictures, liked pages from Facebook and also if we have any mutual friends. Because of all this, I will feel comfortable about talking to a new guy because at least I now have an image in my head and I know for a fact that he’s a real person. I can stop talking to him anytime I want, thanks to the block/unmatch option on the app. How would you ignore a guy at a bar asking for your number? After meeting three really good guys, I have realized that Gurgaon isn’t bad at all and I am enjoying the dating process.”

What’s the worst that could happen?
Echoing these safety concerns, Shefali Taneja*, who works with an advertising firm and stays in Sector 56, tells us, “I like how I can immediately stop talking to a person if someone says anything mildly offensive or creepy. No questions asked. When you meet someone whom your friend has recommended, you really have to be patient and nice to them. There are no preconceived notions and no background image about me when I’m talking to a new person. You like each other’s profile, talk on the app for a few days and share your number if you feel comfortable enough. After at least a week-long conversation, I met two guys and on both evenings I had a great time. So if things have to go weirdly, that happens in the messaging stage itself. And what’s the worst that could happen? You can always block that person and find someone new.”'
Perfect for an ego boost
Among the female members, one common feature is the very positive ego boost that comes from all the unexpected attention, which, we were told, is good enough even if the relationships don’t work out. Anika Mehta*, a sales professional with an MNC on Sohna Road, tells us, “I had been single for a while and my friends from Mumbai and the US had been constantly pestering me about these apps. I wanted to meet new people, but didn’t know how or where to start because most of my Gurgaon friend circle had moved out of town. That’s when my friends convinced me to make a profile on one such app. I was so surprised by the crowd on the app. I found so many people whom I knew from office on the app and so many other good looking guys too. Within a few days, I was talking to some four-five guys on WhatsApp and it felt really great. All this attention was the perfect ego boost that I needed and now it’s difficult to choose from all the options I have. I have been recommending this app to all my single friends without worrying about being judged.”
I try to not be embarrassed about being on the app
While it may be very common for people to find dates via the many apps available, not many seem comfortable sharing the news with their social circle. Sakshi Malhotra*, a PR consultant who lives in DLF Phase III, tells us, “My closest friends know that I have a profile on this app and have even met people through it, but I wouldn’t want other people to know this. It’s kind of embarrassing. It’s like proclaiming, ‘OMG, I am so single that I have to be on an app to find people.’ I don’t want my colleagues or my extended social circle to know that. So even though having mutual friends is an advantage for people looking for partners, I avoid liking profiles with mutual friends to prevent my friends finding out about it.”
Girls gets 10 matches in a day; guys get one in 10 days
Like any other dating platform, the ratio is skewed in the app scenario also. Mayank Trivedi*, 25, who works with a telecalling firm in Udyog Vihar, tells us, “I downloaded one such app a few months ago after a friend recommended it to me. There was no awkwardness and I was pleasantly surprised by the crowd on it. I’d like a few profiles a day and wasn’t desperate enough to like everyone’s profile. And by the fourth or fifth day, I got a couple of matches and started talking to those girls. I recommended the app to a female friend of mine and within minutes of joining it, she had some five-eight matches. That’s when I realized how skewed the ratio is. But even then it’s okay, because that’s the case everywhere. I’m okay with talking to just one person, but my women friends are really happy with all the attention they are getting here.”
Why would you play hard to get when you’re already on a dating app?
According to these users, finding profiles and matches is the easy part. It’s keeping the conversations going which is difficult and at times, annoying. Karan*, a brand consultant working in Cyber City, says, “I got on the app because I was so bored of the people in my social circle. I’ve found matches with girls who would first like your profile but later not reply or contribute to the conversations. I don’t get the point of playing hard to get when you’re already on a dating app. That means you are single and looking for someone. Why would you still act pricey? Other than these snooty bimbos, I have gone out on four dates and all of them have been good experiences. Whether you get a second date or not is up to you, but the app gets you the first date, which is great .”
For once, I don’t have to ask a girl out like it’s my job
For most guys, meeting a girl through an app takes away the pressure of making the big entry and taking the first step. Chirag Suri*, who works with a management consultancy on MG Road, says, “I was very sure I wanted to meet people just to chill and hang out. After the initial few slow weeks, I found a lot of matches on the app and most of these turned into evening meetups after work. There is clarity here as everyone is on the same page. No dating pressure or crazy expectations. And if you think it’s going in a direction you don’t want it to, you can stop hanging out without worrying about things.”
(*Names changed on request)
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