High-maintenance kids a new parenting challenge

PUNE: Devendra Rathi, a city entrepreneur dealing in computer hardware, had just struck a big deal. He mentally prepared a check-list of how the money had to be spent. From a foreign holiday for family, to renovating their home, everything was planned. But, wasn't there something he was forgetting? And then he remembered, he had promised Rohan, his son, a Japan trip last year.
Nineteen-year-old Rohan is just like any average college-goer. He and his friends hang out at happening city lounges and pubs on weekends, boast of latest gadgets, take annual vacations with friends, wear designer labels. And, of course, sit on their fancy motorbikes, press the ignition and vroom!
Rathi's wife, Sunanda, says, "The kind of pocket money Rohan gets was unthinkable in our time. When we were young, if we got so much as a Rs 100 note from some relative as a gift, we would diligently turn it over to our parents. And here, my son spends at least ten times of that amount every week!"
Concurs Anumeha D Kulkarni. "Meenal is only in class X, but her personal expenses run into a couple of thousand a month. It's not like in our time when meeting friends meant going to each other's houses and gorging on homemade goodies. Kids today rather meet up at fast food joints or coffee shops."
In many cases parents feel it is peer pressure that dictates the amount of allowance a child must have. Many might not be okay with the idea of giving in to their kids' demands, but they know there is little option.
Vibha Nayak, who is also a practicing child psychologist, says, "Earlier, I used to think giving so much pocket money to kids is not really a great idea. In fact, I still don't support it. But we can't do much. Sometimes children do flaun. And since this is an impressionable age, children often develop complexes which stay with them for a long time."
There are parents like Chetana and Manish Vaidya, who have decided on a very smart way of giving pocket money to their teenage son. "We have clearly told him that he needs to work around the house and earn his pocket money. Also, if his room is not clean or if his behaviour is poor, his pocket money gets deducted," says Chetana.
Says Manish, "I think in this way he will value money. Plus it will teach him responsibility. But there is also a downside to it. Sometimes he thinks we are unfair to him because most of his friends simply get their pocket money, while he has to earn it."
Parents do have to walk a tightrope these days. How much pocket money is enough? What if the money is used for something parents don't approve of? How to keep track of your child's activities and at the same time have faith in him?
Says Nayak, "The foremost thing parents should remember is that money cannot replace the precious time that you can give your child. Also, it's important to be your child's friend. That way, if they ever face trouble they would first come to you. And, of course, you don't have to compete with other parents and this is what you should teach your child."
Nayak says that she often comes across cases where parents give in to peer pressure and end up stressed. This affects the parent-child relationship too. "Times are changing. From college ?katta', it's now the global coffee chain and from the humble canteen idli, it's Italian, Mexican and what-have-you. So, naturally, parents too have to move on. But with caution," says Nayak.
Most parents agree that a line must be drawn. "Often parents compensate their absence in a kid's life with lavish gifts and money. But, that is not a very intelligent step. This also has an adverse impact on the psyche of the child."