Censor bored by Vinayak Chakravorty

So the Censor Board boss takes bribes. In sync with traits so often deemed characteristic of sarkari Babudom, Rakesh Kumar, CEO, Central Board of Film Certification, has turned out a tainted man. Tell me something new.

The average reaction to the news ever since it broke out over the past week has been one of amusement. Cinema, especially the staggering commercial set-up that prevails over the mass psyche, has always endorsed larger-than-life heroism coming down heavily on rishvatkhori, among other evils.

Off screen, it should therefore come across as something farcical that the industry's macho and mighty, who regularly bash up corrupt Babus like Rakesh Kumar on screen, should scurry to him with their loaded bags to get their films passed for release on time.

The cliched overtones of that situation would rival the hackneyed fare we get in Bollywood potboilers, actually. It leaves you bored.

In India any organisation that has government participation somehow magically transforms into corrupt domain. Showbiz on the other hand is a world forever looking to use three primal tools to get any job done - wine, wealth and/or women. The drama concerning the film industry and the Information & Broadcasting Ministry-supervised Censor Board had to be a lucrative one. Where there is big money concerned, the system has mostly accommodated scams with alacrity and here we are talking of 'products' that desperately need to gross Rs 100 crore or more in seven days.

Rakesh Kumar making his stash of lakhs (plus gold plus 33 luxury watches, at the last count) in return of his final signature on censor certificates could well just be tip of the iceberg.

The disturbing thing is not that Kumar did it. What bothers you is that arresting or penalising him could actually be no solution. Who is to ensure a taint-free set-up for a body that, by the admission of many of its members, is "beyond comprehension"?

Soon after Rakesh Kumar's slimy game came to fore, CBFC chief Leela Samson declared she was not aware what her CEO was doing behind her back.

Passing the buck of course is classic red tape attitude.

For a more immediate shot at transperancy, some suggest the CEO's post be permanently allotted to the film fraternity. There are two problems here. People from the film industry who bagged top censor jobs never proved effective.

Sharmila Tagore, Anupam Kher and Asha Parekh in recent years as chairpersons have all been hardworking and high-profile, but they rarely made a difference.

Plus, our film industries - Bollywood as well as the regional ones - are not exactly level playing grounds. The operative word that defines our filmi lot is camps.

In a milieu where a handful of superstars (who rarely ever see eye to eye) wield influence like fief lords, imagine what games of ego gratification and getting even could be played in the name of film censorship.

Keep industry folks away from the top job. But then, keep bribe-happy ex-Railway PRs away from the job, too. The only feasible solution seems harsher punishment for transgressors. That includes the filmmakers who paid up Rakesh Kumar too, for giving is as much a crime as taking.

GOING HIGH AND LOW ON BHAI

She is a starlet from down South and the poor girl's committed a cardinal sin. She has referred to apna superstar Salman Khan as Bhai. He Who Should Not Be Made Angry is naturally very angry. Bollywood's Baba of Brawn does not quite like girls referring to him in brotherly terms. Bad for image, we think.

Shattering for the girl, for Salman has now dropped the idea of working with her. Kya karein, mood swings of a demi-god above all else. Reason why Salman got away recently talking of the iconic SP Balasubramaniam in a way he need not have. He grandly declared SP was not needed for any song in his next film with Sooraj Barjatya because the singer is too old now. That's SP he is talking about - the man who gave him all those career-defining hits in Maine Pyar Kiya, Saajan, Patthar Ke Phool and Hum Aapke Hain Koun. Showbiz is like that. But Salman ought to know he is nearing 50, too.

MONEY TALKS. ASK SCARJO

Scarlett Johansson (pictured) is now worth $20 million on screen. Translated, that means she takes home a paycheque around `122 crore per film from now on, beginning next year's The Avengers: Age Of Ultron. But the raise is not taking her to the top of the heap. Hollywood's highest-paid female star continues to be Sandra Bullock, at an annual take-home of $51 million for 2014 (sweet, for a year when she has no release).

While heroines back home rightly whine about lack of roles and moolah, Hollywood is fast figuring out why paying the top girls matters. Female-centric roles account for only 15 per cent leads in Hollywood but a Forbes report shows they stand stronger chance at generating hits than male-dominated films because their budgets are 30 per cent lower.

What's age got to do with it?

How old are the hunks of The Expendables 3? 850 years, if you consider the combined age of the mammoth 16-member lead cast.

With Hollywood's aging wonders back on the screen for a third adventure, buffs are naturally on the lookout for trivia titbits on the multistarrer. I came across an interesting one in The Telegraph, UK, where a quick math on the age factor of the primary cast reveals Sylvester Stallone to Jet Li via Arnold Schwarzenegger, Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson, Antonio Banderas and Jason Statham plus the rest put together have lived all of 850 years in totality! Oldest of the lot is Harrison Ford at 72, while 25-year-old budding star Glen Powell is the youngest.

More amusing: the 16 lead actors of the multistarrer have married as many as 26 times in all. Quite a twist to the expression muchmarried men!