Help in the time of marriage blues: Vastav Foundation helps people cope with the trauma of marital disputes

The first thing Husseinali Abbaszade, a Bhayander resident, does before he begins to give tips on case laws is 'give hope'. That, says the 35-year-old, is the most important need when a person is going through a turbulent marriage in which false allegations have been levelled against him and his family.

While doing that Abbaszade adds a general dose of personal experiences for the benefit of those listening to him. “Five years ago I was here listening, and someone else was giving tips. Then I was distraught; a cases under stringent sections like 498 and domestic violence had been slapped on me,” he said.

Lawyers back then would tell him that a bail bond and successive court dates were imminent. If maintenance had to be given, extra expenses should be kept in mind along with the litigation fees. “A man needs to recuperate at times like that. The first thing I wanted to know was whether there was hope of extricating myself from the situation I was in. However, hope eluded me. I was really looking for some emotional support, as lawyers wouldn't give me the correct picture,” he said.

Five years on, Abbaszade is among the 15 to 20 regulars who give others free advice on matrimonial disputes. They all are part of Vastav Foundation, an umbrella network of people who help husbands who have been 'falsely' implicated in matrimonial disputes.

On Sunday morning this reporter found some of them giving tips to people who had gathered around seeking help. The network also guides or talks to partners involved in dispute in order to save marriages. Vastav Foundation has over four lakh members spread across India and they are willing to share their experiences or give advice to anyone at any time free of cost.

These days they have also been filing petitions to bring changes to laws on domestic violence. “At the end of the day, it's not just the daughter-in-law who is a woman. Mother-in-law and sister-in-law too are women. The law is skewed in a way that it does not allow them to complain,” said Ajit Deshpande, a member of the network. 

Take the case of Manju Goyal, who shifted to a rented place because of her daughter-in-law. “We have not been living at home. She calls the police every now and then and complains that we harass her; actually it's the other way round,” said the 60-year-old Goyal. She blames her daughter-in-law for spoiling her son's life as well. According to her, he fits neither in the category of 'married', 'divorced' or a parent who can live with his children. “The prime time of his life has been wasted and our life too has been spoiled,” Manju said. 

“In such cases, we tell people that they need patience, time, money and energy,” said Jayesh Chande, another member of the group. Chande came into the group around seven years ago when he was facing marital woes. “A case is filed and without proper investigation people are thrown behind bars. There are dowry problems, especially in villages. However, the law is being misused in metros. Our job is to help husbands to come out of such unsavoury situations,” Chande said.

Members of the group also explained how minor but positive fights could help them sail through. These include using the law (relevant section in Criminal Procedure Code) that helps summoning job records if a wife harasses for maintenance, filing for case closure reports if the other party is dragging the case, etc. Filing affidavits and telling the next possible outcome of a hearing or telling a litigant how to argue a point is another.

The major reasons for matrimonial cases are adultery, lifestyle adjustment and demand for maintenance, the network has found in seven years of its existence. “Adultery is one of the more recent phenomenon. It ends up putting a big question mark on a husband's manhood, leading to a lot of stress. It's in such cases that a person needs emotional help,” said Amit Deshpande, one of the founders of Vastav Foundation.