God created husband and wife to complement each other. For anyone who is single, the answer to the question, ‘How do people make a relationship last forever?’ is: be kind, listen, spend time together - and also apart. That’s the wisdom on making a marriage work, from those who know - from a couple who have been married for more than 50 years. Brij Raj Plaha and Ramola came to India in 1947, after the Partition.
78-year-old Brij Raj reminisces, “My parents came from what is now Punjab, Pakistan. A large part of my extended family settled in Delhi. My grandparents and numerous relatives lived in a ‘refugee colony’ there. The men and women often spoke about lost worlds and geographies. I knew even then that many people had lost everything in the Partition. Yet, for the most part, the older generation never burdened us with their pain and loss. As they passed away, so did the Urdu newspapers – which would casually lie around their households. As the voices of that generation that lived across the border–this side or that side–are slowly muted, I hope we do not forget their past. The ties should continue. For those of us who cannot easily travel across the border, let us use our imagination to make the journeys, forge ties, write and keep alive our connected histories.”
Brij and Ramola married in 1961 in Delhi. An enduring tale of marital harmony, they have spent decades working companionably alongside one another without ever - publicly at least - succumbing to spousal combustion. “Each time a married couple gets through something together they grow closer and their intimacy grows. Having children, moving, buying homes, getting through financial problems and the many other obstacles and stresses, teaches them ever more about each other. We enjoyed the time with our three children, and especially our time in Bhilai – where we were consistently presented with situations that challenged us, made us grow, taught us divine lessons about life and made us into more conscious beings. Today we divide our time between our children and grandchildren in Gurgaon and Mumbai. I tell Ramola, ‘Do you realise that we have watched the leaves fall together for more than fifty autumns? But as we grow older together, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change. . . we will always be together. Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.’ Now I am only wishing for some peaceful years. I always say to my wife that I’d like to see my grandson earn a living and my granddaughter getting married. We want them to be happy the way we were.”
Their take on their years together: “Being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of tea every morning – you might have it every day, but you still enjoy it. In the enriching of marriage, the big things are the little things. There must be constant appreciation for each other and thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. A couple must encourage and help each other grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful and the divine. Love is the reason; lifelong friendship is the gift; and kindness is the cause. Happily ever after is not a fairy tale - it’s a choice,” advises Brij Raj. “My husband is one of my greatest blessings from God. His love is a gift that I get to open every day,” blushes Ramola.
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