Find the secrets your body holds

Every part of my body that I touched, triggered a memory. Others’ reactions varied from “It felt mechanical and made me reflect on how I generally think of my partner’s pleasure, not mine” or “I realised I never really touch my feet” to “At first, it was awkward” and “It just felt nice, like being pampered”. Sitting on the floor in a circle at a participant’s home in Bandra, we were sharing our experiences at the end of the second day of Infinity, Damini Sahay’s workshop on sexual acceptance through movement.

Touching also took me back to the notes I had made on the previous day in response to Sahay’s questions: What do you think about your sexuality? Which body parts do you associate it with? Interestingly, neither my lips, nor my vadge appeared in top-of-the-mind recall. And Savli Patil was surprised her hair did. “I never considered it (hair) part of my sexual self,” says the 25-year-old. For some, it lay in their toes and even collar bones.

Meditative exercises, eye contact, sharing of experiences and dancing formed an integral part of each of the five days of the workshop. “The body stores a lot memories. Movement leads to catharsis,” explains Sahay, a psychology graduate, who has also studied Dance Movement Therapy. The belly dancing moves were to make us engage with certain body parts (particularly the hips and chest), and uninstructed dancing was to allow us to express ourselves freely.

For 38-year-old psychologist Zankhna Joshi, who was tom-boyish through her childhood, day three’s task of concentrating on our own and others’ judgements of our body was a turning point. “I’ve never been very accepting of my feminine side, and so I tend to avoid housework, being graceful or nurturing. Delving into judgements lead to an understanding, and accepting them led to a shift.”

Sahay included a ritualistic hair-move to enable us to release our shadows, causing a couple of women to sob. A middle-aged one broke down on recalling a childhood of non-acceptance for being a girl.

Pictorially depicting our heart, consciousness and animal selves on the fourth day and illustrating the celebration of our journeys together on the last, brought a release that only comes with engaging one’s hands. A calm silence took over as everyone sketched feverishly.

As Sahay put it: “Only when you let go of other baggage, can you reach sexual acceptance, make it shine through.”